We all get hurt at one time or another. Hurt people hurt people. It’s a chicken and egg kinda thing. This means at any given pain point we have the gift of looking upon our own past patterns and behaviors to see where we have failed or come up short in helping those around us feel safe, loved, encouraged, recognized, and important. Of course no one is going to take as good a care of us as ourselves. It’s actually our first priority and greatest gift to the world; self-care so you have reserves to give from and be of service to others. You cannot sustain helping others if you do not first take care of yourself.
We are all connected.
My yoga teacher once had us visualize roots growing down from our feet to the core of the earth where all our roots met.
People show up in our lives to help propel us toward our next lesson. (We are spiritual beings having human experiences.) They breed an annoyance or friction which just activates the “you spot it, you got it” tool. What a gift for the universe to arrange this trigger in your path! For you to have the opportunity to harness awareness and make new healing choices. To recover from past trauma you had fewer tools with which to navigate through at the time.
It’s natural to second guess ourselves, our behaviors, our choices. But we can also remember we are not that powerful, in that way, over someone else. It may feel like it at times, like our actions have pushed someone away or made them miss out on an opportunity. But that’s really their choice and their behavior; where we have real power and abundant power is over ourselves and our own lives, choices, and behaviors. What others think of me is none of my business.
I do have autonomy over my own perspective, voice, and choices.
One of the hardest things I’ve had to learn, and still practice, is to allow others to do their own thing. It’s a reflection of them (good, bad, or in a period of growth), it has nothing to do with me, my value, my station, my grace. We are all connected, but we are all autonomous for our own portion of our roots and what springs forward. My limiting beliefs may keep someone from rising to unimaginable (by me) heights, if I was in charge of them. Yet by keeping my focus on my own root system stretching to the center of the earth, and feeding, watering, and pruning what springs forth I too can come to hope for, then expect, then experience growth and flowering beyond my own wildest dreams. We are all connected AND we are all autonomous. But your example of what’s possible or what consequences arise for certain behaviors help me make inspired, fruitful, and abundant choices for myself so that I may be the big tree one day giving hope to the seedling next to me.